Trying to preserve my self with medications...
I write this post as an outlet for my emotions. Not something I do with this blog. But maybe if I put it out there in WWW land, I will motivate myself to change.
I went to the doctor for a prescription refill and walked out with five new prescriptions. I was saddened to think that I had hit a point in my life that my health/life truly relied on medication. Is it horribly serious? No, not like those of who I read about in blog world. Though the severity of mine is practically self induced with a minor role with genes. The knowledge of knowing my bad habits would increase my health problems and then me allowing it to get to that point just saddens me. What do I have?
PCOS for starters.
I have had it since the spring of my freshman year in high school. It has plagued me with problems with my hair falling out on my head and growing in places it shouldn't. It has plagued me with acne. It has plagued me with infertility. It has plagued me with constant weight problems. It has plagued me with the feeling of not being a female because of the extra testosterone following freely.
I do not have cycles unless they are induced by medication. Many, many, many of my female friends tell "Oh, if that could be me! I hate periods! Oh, never to have one again! You are so lucky!". Lucky...(sigh) yes, very lucky. But I don't feel lucky. Simply not having a period is not luck on my part. I am not choosing to not have a period, my body chose for me. Not having a period but still having the hormones needed to have a period is one thing but not to have a period because you have little female hormones and a lot of male hormones is quite different. There is no luck in feeling like your husband is married to hefty lumberjack with a five o'clock shadow. But the ramblings of PCOS is for another post. It is just part of my overall problem that I have allowed to spawn new problems.
Insulin Resistance is next.
This and PCOS are linked. Hmmm, how lucky.
Pre-Diabetes follows close behind.
Again, this and the previous two "syndromes" are linked.
High Cholesterol and my newly found high blood pressure are yet another part of the chain.
Again, related to the pleasantries aforementioned.
There are several other little lucky ailments that go along with PCOS that I will talk about in another post but they aren't really detrimental to my health. They are more superficial daily reminders, that stare back at me in the mirror, of how lucky I am.
Boy, it sounds like I am real downer this evening. But one of my pet peeves is to be told I am lucky for not having a period. The conversations usually go like this:
A well meaning female: "I wish I didn't have to deal with periods."
Me: "I would rather deal with a period and be close to having balanced hormones than what I have going on now."
The well meaning female: "No periods? That is a no brainer for me."
Me: "I can see just not having periods would be great as long as your body still works but for me it is not that simple."
The well meaning female: "I don't think it would bother me. Just the fact of not having periods for what ever reason would be great."
The stickler for me is that these well meaning women are glossing over the fact that no periods for me = a slue of other health problems. And for what ever reason, I want them to acknowledge it. Oh my goodness, I know I could totally get into a "Deddy" conversation about how the real problem lies in that I am allowing others to dictate what I feel.
You hopefully wouldn't say to a person in a wheelchair, "Wow, you are so lucky that you can't walk. You don't have to worry about the hassle of buying nice looking shoes that won't hurt your feet." That would be rude and show a severe lack of empathy and sympathy. Is my plight the same as a person who can't walk? No, not at all. My point in this rambling has become this: just because you can't see medical problem, doesn't mean it is not real problem that may have emotional and physical issues that are not blatant.
Well now that I have sat here and rambled as a negative Nellie, I will close on a positive note. Maybe another woman/girl with PCOS will google and this blog will come up, then offer feeling of "I know how you feel!".
My next post should be positive. Maybe I will discuss what changes I should do.
I went to the doctor for a prescription refill and walked out with five new prescriptions. I was saddened to think that I had hit a point in my life that my health/life truly relied on medication. Is it horribly serious? No, not like those of who I read about in blog world. Though the severity of mine is practically self induced with a minor role with genes. The knowledge of knowing my bad habits would increase my health problems and then me allowing it to get to that point just saddens me. What do I have?
PCOS for starters.
I have had it since the spring of my freshman year in high school. It has plagued me with problems with my hair falling out on my head and growing in places it shouldn't. It has plagued me with acne. It has plagued me with infertility. It has plagued me with constant weight problems. It has plagued me with the feeling of not being a female because of the extra testosterone following freely.
I do not have cycles unless they are induced by medication. Many, many, many of my female friends tell "Oh, if that could be me! I hate periods! Oh, never to have one again! You are so lucky!". Lucky...(sigh) yes, very lucky. But I don't feel lucky. Simply not having a period is not luck on my part. I am not choosing to not have a period, my body chose for me. Not having a period but still having the hormones needed to have a period is one thing but not to have a period because you have little female hormones and a lot of male hormones is quite different. There is no luck in feeling like your husband is married to hefty lumberjack with a five o'clock shadow. But the ramblings of PCOS is for another post. It is just part of my overall problem that I have allowed to spawn new problems.
Insulin Resistance is next.
This and PCOS are linked. Hmmm, how lucky.
Pre-Diabetes follows close behind.
Again, this and the previous two "syndromes" are linked.
High Cholesterol and my newly found high blood pressure are yet another part of the chain.
Again, related to the pleasantries aforementioned.
There are several other little lucky ailments that go along with PCOS that I will talk about in another post but they aren't really detrimental to my health. They are more superficial daily reminders, that stare back at me in the mirror, of how lucky I am.
Boy, it sounds like I am real downer this evening. But one of my pet peeves is to be told I am lucky for not having a period. The conversations usually go like this:
A well meaning female: "I wish I didn't have to deal with periods."
Me: "I would rather deal with a period and be close to having balanced hormones than what I have going on now."
The well meaning female: "No periods? That is a no brainer for me."
Me: "I can see just not having periods would be great as long as your body still works but for me it is not that simple."
The well meaning female: "I don't think it would bother me. Just the fact of not having periods for what ever reason would be great."
The stickler for me is that these well meaning women are glossing over the fact that no periods for me = a slue of other health problems. And for what ever reason, I want them to acknowledge it. Oh my goodness, I know I could totally get into a "Deddy" conversation about how the real problem lies in that I am allowing others to dictate what I feel.
You hopefully wouldn't say to a person in a wheelchair, "Wow, you are so lucky that you can't walk. You don't have to worry about the hassle of buying nice looking shoes that won't hurt your feet." That would be rude and show a severe lack of empathy and sympathy. Is my plight the same as a person who can't walk? No, not at all. My point in this rambling has become this: just because you can't see medical problem, doesn't mean it is not real problem that may have emotional and physical issues that are not blatant.
Well now that I have sat here and rambled as a negative Nellie, I will close on a positive note. Maybe another woman/girl with PCOS will google and this blog will come up, then offer feeling of "I know how you feel!".
My next post should be positive. Maybe I will discuss what changes I should do.
Labels: Random Thoughts
3 Comments:
You know I know how you feel. I understand completely.
That sounds like a lot to juggle and it seems obvious that not having a period would be no kind of blessing when it's tied up in all that. Clear as day! I sure hate to think you could point that out three whole times and still they don't get it...
Wow, I didn't know you had all that going on! I'm glad there are some medicines out there to help you, but I know what it's like to have a pile of medicines with side effects, etc. Not to mention always having to be aware of when they'll run out, and if you'll be around a pharmacy, etc. Good luck!
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